5 Mistakes That Keep Moms In Survival Mode

Did you know there are daily habits you’re probably doing right now that are self-sabotaging your brain and keeping you stuck in overstimulation and anger?

Have you ever found yourself snapping at your kids before breakfast even hits the table? feeling overstimulated before the day has even really begun? You wake up exhausted, rush through your day in survival mode, and collapse into bed, only to do it all over again tomorrow. And worst of all, you don’t even recognize the woman, mother and wife you’ve become. I have watched hundreds of moms seemingly do everything right and still struggle to get out of survival mode and I used to live in that cycle too. I used to spend my days having frequent outbursts of anger, crying constantly, and overstimulated from the second I woke up until I collapsed in my bed at night.

Good news, the fix isn’t complicated. It’s just knowing which five everyday habits are keeping you stuck so that you can find them and start replacing them and finally start seeing a glimpse of peace in your home.

I’m going to walk you through five toxic habits that I did daily that were self-sabotaging my peace and keeping me stuck in constant overstimulation and anger and what I did to heal my overactive nervous system. An overactive nervous system, also known as limbic system dysfunction is what the issue was all along.

If you’re wondering how I went from chronic fight-or-flight to building a joyful home (without changing my circumstances), I share the exact biblical brain rewiring process step-by-step in my free workshop. The link is below.

Habit #1: You’re Meeting Trials Emotionally Instead of Faithfully

Trials are real. Some are incredibly heavy, and some are just ordinary, everyday annoyances. Life is actually very hard. But the pattern isn’t just that life is hard, it’s how you’re responding when it is.

You feel the pressure of a toddler melting down while you’re already overwhelmed and trying to get everyone out the door… and you react. You feel the interruption of being asked for something the moment you finally sit down… and you get frustrated. Now your day isn’t just made up of trials, it’s made up of a thousand tiny emotional reactions to every single one of them. It’s like the death by 1000 tiny paper cuts.

That procerss will keep you in overstimulation and anger because you’re not being led by what’s true.

You’re being led by what you feel in the moment, and that will tell your brain that something is wrong and it will set off your stress response.

This is why Scripture does not give us permission to respond that way. It says, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 This means in the exact moment where your flesh wants to react in anger or frustration, or fear you have a different instruction: Be thankful.

Now, I know that’s easier said than done, but if the Bible says it, then we need to figure out how to do it. This has really become a practice in my life and I’ll show you what it looks like. I’m going to give you a real trial, something that so many women face and it’s so heavy and heartbreaking.

Lets say you want another child but your husband isn’t on board.

You sit there with tears in your eyes, maybe after a tense conversation, or he just confirmed that he definitely doesn’t want more children and your heart aches. You feel the pit in your stomach and the lump in your throat and you pray.

Thank you Lord for this trial. Thank you that we aren’t on the same page because that is helping me to learn to surrender my desires to You and how to lean into you more. It’s showing me my deep longing and desire for another child that makes no sense because all the logistical things my husband says are true. He’s right. It would be a bad time but the desire you put on my heart for another child transcends all of that so thank you for the work You are doing in my heart right now. Thank you for the children I already have, the marriage You’ve given me, and the ways You are teaching me to trust You more deeply in this season.

See how I didn’t pretend it was easy and yet I still showed thankfulness? When you learn to train this part of your brain to rejoice in trials and be thankful in them, you will start feeling and responding differently.

Habit #2: Getting Offended About Everything

The next habit is one most moms know they need to address, but they fight it every step of the way. Getting offended about everything.

Scripture tells us, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11 That means not every irritating comment needs a response. Overlooking an offense is your power move as a woman. Much of my overstimulation and anger was because I was emotionally picking up every single offense and carrying it around all day as if I had to personally be the one to make it right or call it out.

But wisdom knows how to let small things die without a word of complaint.

But even if you are thankful through trials and overlook an offense, this next one will still keep you stuck in overstimulation and anger. It’s probably the most common thing that women get wrong.

Habit #3: Suffering and Then Isolating

You’re exhausted. You’re overwhelmed. There’s too much to do and you feel the weight of it all consuming you. Instead of asking for help, you stay quiet. You suffer and then grow resentful that no one stepped in. It turns into internal complaints that inevitably turn into out-loud complaints wallowing in self-pity and feeling unseen and unsupported. The anger builds from there. The issue here isn’t just complaining, it’s refusing to be helped while also resenting the lack of help.

Stop expecting people to read your mind and start inviting them into the load.

I can hear the outrage now, “My husband isn’t helpful…” Mine wasn’t either for the longest time, until I realized that my requests weren’t landing well because they felt disrespectful. Once I started framing my requests and needs as a way for my husband to serve me and be my hero, low and behold, he became very helpful! Listen, your husband dreamt about being a hero since he was a little boy and if all that means holding the baby while you make supper he’s probably going to be thrilled.

We were on our little Friday moms hike and one of the little girls came running up to her mom who we were hiking with saying, mama the big boys are jumping out and scaring me and they have knives! Surely they weren’t knives but sticks. However, in a little girl’s mind they were definitely knives.

My 5 year old son immediately steps into action, and I watch him literally clench his fists and say, “Where are they?” The little girl tells him and he looks at me and says, “I’ll get them, mama.”

Boys, and men, have an innate this desire to protect. Frame your requests and needs as a way for him to serve you and be your hero. Say something simple like, “Hey, I’m not feeling well. Can you take the baby for a bit?” Now, you know how to ask for help, but the next habit is one that women almost unanimously resist, and it causes them to stay stuck.

Habit #4: Feeding Your Flesh Instead of Cutting It Off

You rehearse the thoughts. Justify your tone. Sit in the negative feelings instead of shutting it down.

“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Romans 13:14

Making provision for your flesh looks like replaying how many times you’ve actually told your child to stop doing the thing they’re doing right now. Mentally building a case against your husband. Sitting in exhaustion and sliding into self-pity about how “no one helps you.”

It’s not just feeling it. It’s feeding it. So, of course you’re overstimulated. Of course you’re angry. You’ve been tending to the flesh all day. Instead, cut it off early. Interrupt the thought before it builds momentum. Make NO provision for your flesh.

One practical way to do this is to immediately replace the thought with truth out loud before it has time to grow. This could be something you prepare ahead of time for common triggers or a bible verse you’ve memorized. Even if you’re making no provision for your flesh, this last one is a self-sabotaging habit that will keep you stuck if you don’t address it.

Habit #5: Feeling You Have to Stay Consistent With Your Emotions

There is often a feeling like once you’ve started reacting in anger, you have to carry it through to the end. Otherwise it feels awkward, fake, or like you’re backtracking. So, you finish the fight. You keep the nasty tone. You stay cold longer than you even want to.

However, Jesus died so you could just stop abruptly. You are allowed to turn around five seconds after snapping and choose something different, in fact its preferred. You don’t have to prove anything by following through on a reaction you already regret.

I used to fall into this trap of self-sabotage. I’d be in that overstimulated, reactive state and just be reacting from impulse and then I’d regulate in some way and feel a little better. I’d self-sabatage by just staying acting angry because I felt like it would be weird not to. It would be uncomfortable to just abruptly stop.

But Jesus gave us that freedom, and if you need a turning point, Jesus gave us repentance too. You can stop, acknowledge it to those involved, ask for forgiveness, and choose a different response right there in the moment—even if it feels abrupt.

Now that you know the five hidden habits keeping you stuck in overstimulation and anger, it’s time to start changing them at the root.