How to Calm Down Triggers as a Homemaker

If you’re a homemaker who experiences frequent triggers or fight/flight responses then I have help for you.

Hi homemakers, my name is Kyrie with the Transformed Homemakers Society and my mission is to help homemakers go from overstimulation and chronic stress to a peaceful and thriving home so that they can serve their families and the Lord.

Over the years I’ve had my own major transformation in my homemaking, going from overstimulated, highly sensitive and chronically stressed to cool, calm, collected and unbelievably fulfilled in my role.

Now I help other homemakers have their own transformations. If you’re interested in working with me then please check out my free workshop.

In this post I’m going to talk about how to quiet your triggers when you’re in a state of fight/flight. I’ll give you 4 tips on what to do when you’re triggered that will be beneficial for your healing. 

4 Steps to Calm Down Your Triggers

Let’s take an example of a trigger which I’ll use throughout this whole post. Let’s say the trigger is your toddler throwing food – if you want to replace this example with your own relevant trigger then you can absolutely do so. 

Maybe this triggers you to react in a certain way. Perhaps you yell, cry, scream, throw something, or your body produces some kind of painful symptom. These are all obviously destructive and counterproductive behaviors to this trigger, right? Of course! 

So what should we do in this case?

Quieting Triggers Tip #1

My first tip is to quickly get on the same page as God on the matter. What would God say about this? Would He scream, or break something? 

Of course not. He would probably say that this is an opportunity for training this child. 

The key here is to QUICKLY get on the same page as God. Trigger happens, you start to feel the fiery emotions building up, and boom, right then and there you need to interrupt the spiral and get on the same page as God. 

This comes with practice, and I will say that once I healed my nervous system disfunction this became infinitely easier to do because it actually gave me TIME to respond. 

So you interrupt the emotions and say ALOUD – Lord, I agree with you that this is a training opportunity. Since I am committed to rewiring my brain and responding in healthy ways, I will stop what I’m doing and take the time to train my child not to throw food. Thank you for this opportunity. 

You’re thinking, wow, that sounds like a lot when I have dinner going, another child causing chaos somewhere else, I have to use the restroom, and whatever else may be going on. And yes, that’s where the discipline of Christian brain rewiring comes in. 

You need to be committed to rewiring different responses into your brain. It’s a practice that does get easier over time. 

Keep in mind that God made our brains to be plastic meaning we get to change them however we want to – and the situations when we are in this state of fight or flight like when we are triggered is when our brains are the MOST moldable – but this also so happens to be the most difficult time to have a different response – so there’s some work involved here. 

Quieting Triggers Tip #2

The second tip for quieting triggers is to understand that “death and life are in the power of the tongue” – meaning, your words matter tremendously! 

Your words have power so you must use them wisely. When it comes to Christian brain retraining, your words speak volumes with regard to your health. 

Even a thought as small as ugh, these kids are being so annoying after a trigger happens, can tell your brain that you aren’t safe, and put you in a state of panic, which leads to all kinds of negative outcomes. 

This tip plays off the old adage which says to “think before you speak” – but I would take it further to say think before you think. 

Even thinking certain words can tell your brain that it needs to put you in a state of fight or flight which can lead to all the unhealthy responses I mentioned before. 

To do this, interrupt these thoughts instantly and NEVER, ever, speak negative thoughts out loud. Something I like to do to interrupt thoughts like this is say nope, not today satan! Or clap loudly and say STOP. 

Or I’ll think about a bunch of things I’m grateful for. I have tons more tips like this in my course, but those are just a few to get you started on this practice of thinking before you think. 

Quieting Triggers Tip #3

The next way to quiet triggers is to understand that often, your feelings are lying to you. 

I want to be clear that I’m not saying you need to shove all your emotions and feelings under the rug and pretend they don’t exist. That’s actually not beneficial for healing either. 

What I am saying is that we need to understand that sometimes, symptoms and triggers are benign and it’s in our best interest to simply observe them as an inactive participant. 

Triggers are liars! Your child throwing food is not the end of the world. Frustrating as all get-out, yes. But worth sending your body into a state of panic… no. 

Triggers can be so difficult because they elicit very REAL emotions and sometimes even legitimate pain.  However, if you can develop the skill of looking at the trigger for what it is and not attributing any weight behind them, then you’ll be able to see the emotions they elicit for what they are too – simply negative emotions that will come and go. 

You will not feel like this forever! This can be a really good reminder when you’re triggered too – say this to yourself – you will not feel like this forever. 

When you understand that, then you’ll be able to give yourself a little talk-down, and implement techniques for calming down your nervous system and getting through the trigger without doing real damage to you or your relationships. 

Quieting Triggers Tip #4

Finally, the last way to quiet triggers is to make sure your rage:soothe ratio is in balance. The rage:soothe ratio was developed by Dr. Sarno who was a big player in the TMS world – TMS is an acronym for Tension Myositis Syndrome which is just mind-body syndrome, which is what I’ve been talking a lot about. 

Limbic system disfunction, impaired limbic system, TMS, mind body syndrome, etc. can all be used synonymously. I’m sure there are some slight distinctions between all those terms but you get the idea. The brain affects the body. 

So the rage:soothe ratio addresses the fact that sometimes in life when we have a significant amount of stress and tension which we can either be aware or unaware of – this stress increases our “rage” and can get to a point where we develop these mind/body symptoms. 

Rage is used loosely in this term. When I think of rage I think of a seething anger that makes someone completely go off the rails. Thats not necessarily what this has to mean in this case – although it can mean this. 

But it can also look like someone having anxiety which is stored up in their body causing them to become symptomatic or develop triggers to minor stressors, or even just their face getting red, or clinching their jaw or fists when they’re upset. 

So that’s where the “soothe” part of the ratio comes in. We need to have soothing things to counter the rage we face everyday. This means finding pleasures in life, and actively participating in things that will calm down our nervous system.

When your rage:soothe ratio is off, that’s when you’re typically more symptomatic or triggered. Ideally, your soothe should be higher than your rage which is why I talk so much about weaving pockets of regulation throughout your day. 

So get really serious about self care, and any other technique you have to calm down your nervous system and you’ll have an ideal rage/soothe ratio. 

In my course, I give you an exact formula which addresses this concept of the rage:soothe ratio. It helps to put your body into a balanced state to calm down your nervous system. 

If this is something that you feel that would be a blessing to you I hope that you consider taking my free workshop – it’s my five step framework for overwhelmed and overworked homemakers.

Homemaker Homework

And your homemaker homework for today is to think of one of your triggers that you would most like to address and rewire different responses into your brain, then create a battle plan for what you will do when that trigger comes up using the tips I gave you today. Then, pray for an opportunity to work on this trigger and ask the Lord for his guidance during this time.