The Truth About How I Dress as a Christian Mom

I get asked where my dresses are from almost every day. I also get told, with some regularity, that I dress immodestly. Apparently, my closet is both an inspiration board and a stumbling block. Which is interesting because, the truth is, my standards actually have changed over time.

The didn’t change because I became more afraid of people’s opinions, but because I have become more sober about stewardship. God gives a woman a body, a home, a husband, children, beauty, influence, and the ability to communicate before she ever opens her mouth with just how she presents herself. A Christian woman is not free to be careless with any of it.

I think this conversation gets reduced into something much smaller than it actually is. We either make it about spaghetti straps and hemlines and personal opinions. About whether one Christian woman’s dress would pass another Christian woman’s mental checklist of what’s considered appropriate. Or we make it just about the heart of the woman without considering the practical application.

But the older I get, and the more the Lord refines me, the more I realize that how I dress is not actually just about clothing. It is about identity, stewardship and about the atmosphere I am creating in my home. The Lord has refined my standards over time. I have become more intentional about how I present myself in my home and in the world. When the Lord transforms a woman, He addresses the whole woman: her personality, her habits, her appetites, her speech, her loves, and yes, even her wardrobe.

That does not mean every Christian woman will dress the same way, any more than it means every Christian woman will decorate her home the same way or cook the same meals for supper. But it does mean that none of it gets to remain untouched or unexamined.

The Criticism

Some of the criticism I’ve received has been unkind and, frankly, a good deal more tasteless than the dresses in question. So no, I don’t agree with that. But I also don’t want to be the kind of woman who is above correction. That’s its own kind of foolishness. The Lord is kind enough to refine His daughters through all sorts of instruments, including criticism from the saints. And so, the Lord has refined me.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

Now, I choose clothing that I can actually mother well in. They’re comfortable, nursing-friendly, make me feel polished, I can move around easily and they set a good example for my children. The way I dress as a mother shows my children that even if we are just staying home, my work here in the home is important and I take it seriously.

The thing that sobered me most though was not actually a comment from a stranger. It was from my own daughter. She tells me all the time that she wants to wear a “big dress” like me. That is what she calls my long dresses, big dresses.

Often, she will see what I chose to wear that day and go into her closet and change because she wants to look exactly like me. I think that is one of the ways the Lord convicted me most on this topic. I realized how early I was making an impression on my children. I was not just getting dressed. I was teaching. I wanted to make sure that what she was learning from me was appropriate and above reproach.

I thought to myself, if there is even a small chance that this would be dishonoring to God, would I want to wear it? And would I want to teach my daughter that this is appropriate if it is dishonoring?

Of course the answer was no. That has changed not only the way I think about my own clothing, but the way I think about my children’s clothing too. Because my daughter is not just watching what I wear. She is learning whether femininity is something to be obsessed over, or received with gratitude and wisdom.

Modesty as Fruit

Modesty is a fruit of living a Christ-like life. A byproduct. Something that flows out of a rightly ordered identity. If the only question is, “Is this technically modest?” then we can still end up dressing from pride, fear, laziness, vanity, rebellion, insecurity, or performance.

A woman can be covered from chin to ankle and still be consumed with herself.

A woman can look perfectly respectable and still be using her appearance to signal superiority.

A woman can dress plainly and still be consumed with pride.

So no, modesty cannot be reduced to square inches of fabric or similar guidelines. It includes that, of course. We are not pretending that what we cover and what we reveal are irrelevant. A Christian woman does not get to say, “God only cares about my heart.”

But modesty does go deeper than the hemline. It begins with a woman who understands that her body, beauty and femininity belong to Christ. Her home, her marriage, her motherhood, her public presence, and her private habits all belong to Christ. That is why modesty is fruit. It grows out of ordered loves. Modesty is beauty under authority. It is femininity governed by wisdom.

The mature Christian woman is asking the following questions as she is dressing for the day:

“Does this help me walk worthy of the calling to which I have been called?”

“Does this honor my husband?”

“Does this teach my children something true about how Christians ought to dress?”

And to be honest, I’ve had to change some of the ways I’ve dressed. Certain things just started moving farther and farther back in the closet because they no longer passed the questions I was asking. They may have been technically defensible, but they no longer felt fitting. They did not belong to the woman Christ was making me.

My Standards Have Changed, But I Am Not Here to Make Your Rules

If modesty has to do with the heart, and it does, then it also has to do with humility. It has to do with a woman being willing to swallow her pride, lay down her defensiveness, and let the Lord refine her. Not every conviction will look identical from woman to woman, but every faithful conviction will require the same posture: an open hand before God, and a teachable spirit.

While my standards have changed and the Lord has convicted me about some things I used to wear, there are still women who dress more conservatively than I do, and I respect that. There are some people who may think I dress too conservatively, my husband being one of them. I often joke about how I need a husband wardrobe and a public wardrobe.

In any case, I do think each of us needs to stop outsourcing our convictions to other people, or even to the way we were raised, when we have not honestly brought the matter before God. Your upbringing may have handed you good instincts. It may have handed you bad ones. Most likely, it handed you some of both.

It’s very easy to hide behind extremes. One woman hides behind legalism so she never has to examine her pride. Another woman hides behind liberty so she never has to examine her sensuality.

The question is not, “Can I find someone online who agrees with me?” You can always find someone online who agrees with you. The question is, “Am I willing to let the Lord refine me?”

Do I Think Women Should Only Wear Dresses?

Something else people have asked me is if I have a conviction to only wear dresses or even do I think women should wear only dresses. To be honest, this is where I think some Christian conversations around modesty become very strange. When the question becomes, “Must all women wear dresses?” I think we have already drifted so far from wisdom and discernment.

So, no, I do not believe every Christian woman must wear only dresses. But I do think that some should. Those who feel a personal conviction to wear dresses should honor that. Because she feels that for a reason. Maybe her husband likes the dresses and she wants to honor him, and I think that’s a beautiful thing. But no, I do not believe every woman must wear dresses every day.

In fact, when I’m at home I’m usually wearing dresses, but when I’m out its like a 50/50 split. Sometimes I wear pants, sometimes dresses, usually whatever is more practical for whatever I’m doing. Dresses do help me feel feminine, put together, and ready for the work of my home though. They remind me that I am not just trying to survive the day in whatever I slept in and they suit the kind of atmosphere I want to cultivate.

The point is whether Christian women are willing to bring even this part of her life under the lordship of Christ. Once you start thinking this way, you will probably disappoint everyone a little bit.

If you dress beautifully, someone will call you vain.

If you dress plainly, someone will call you frumpy.

If you dress femininely, someone will call you performative.

If you dress comfortably, someone will call you careless.

If you talk about modesty, someone will call you legalistic.

If you talk about freedom, someone will call you worldly.

You cannot build your convictions around avoiding criticism.

That is a miserable way to live which is why we are supposed to instead live for Christ.

So, that is the truth about how I dress as a Christian mom. My standards have changed. They are still being refined. I care more than I used to about how I present myself, not because I think clothes make a woman holy, but because I think a holy woman eventually starts caring about clothes. If that seems too small to matter, I would just say that most of motherhood is a bunch of small things that matter very much.