The One Minute Habits That Help You Delight in Your Children Again

I hear this all the time…

“I want to love motherhood. I want my children to feel like their mom actually enjoys them. I want to be soft, warm, gentle, and present. So why is it that what so often comes out is brash, annoyed, rushed, and sharp? Why does the smallest mess, meltdown, or request feel like it pulls the ugly right out of me?”

I think one of the most painful parts of this is that our children can feel it. They can feel when we’re just surviving motherhood instead of treasuring it. They can feel when we’re just managing them instead of truly delighting in them, and when our body is in the room, but our heart is somewhere else.

That is such a heartbreaking place to be as a Christian mother, because we know children are a blessing. We know motherhood is a gift. We know this is holy work that has a generational impact. But knowing that doesn’t always mean we feel it in the moment.

Because patience, gentleness, warmth, and delight don’t always come naturally. They are things we are sanctified into. Yes, some women have a more natural propensity toward gentleness or playfulness or patience, but in the most stressful situations, even the sweetest women can crumble.

It’s called our flesh for a reason. We have to learn to deny the flesh. To deny what feels good in the moment and choose what feels foreign. To choose gentleness when we want to snap. To choose presence when we want to escape. To choose joy when we feel irritated. To choose to look at our children like blessings when our flesh wants to treat them like burdens.

It’s in those small, stressful, ordinary moments, when you deny your natural inclination toward irritation and instead practice warmth, delight, and gentleness, that your brain begins to change. Your natural inclination can change from annoyed to affectionate. From brash to gentle. From merely surviving your children to actually enjoying them again.

Over time, your children don’t just hear you say that you love being their mother. They can feel it. They can see it in your eyes. They can hear it in your tone. They can sense it in the way you respond to them.

Today, I’m sharing the mercifully easy one-minute habits that help me love motherhood again and show up as the kind of mother whose children can tell, deep down, “My mom actually delights in being my mom.” Trust me, these are simple, but they are powerful.

Your Children Are Not Interruptions

What if one thought could ensure that you remain your child’s safe place? The thought that changed so much for me was simple: my children aren’t interruptions, they are my purpose.

I used to feel my whole body tense when one of my children needed me the second I had finally started doing something. It could be the second I opened my Bible. The second I picked up the laundry basket. The second I started a little project that needed done. I would hear “Mama!” or the painful shriek of a child in need and feel this irritation rise before I even knew what they needed.

I started realizing that my body was responding to my children like they were in the way of my life. When I noticed that the things I think affect our bodies almost immediately, I started understanding why one small thought could change the way I showed up as a mother and the way my children saw me as a mother.

By the grace of God, that irritation I’d feel when they needed me began to grieve me. Because if this whole motherhood thing is part of my calling, and it is, then the children who need me are not in the way of my calling, regardless of how inopportune their needs are in my eyes.

The one minute habit is this. When your child interrupts you, and you feel that irritation rise, say to yourself, “This is my purpose. This is the work the Lord put before me and I delight in being their mother.”

It doesn’t need to be exactly that. Just some sort of anchor to put your head in the mom game. Because if what you’re doing isn’t for the glory of God, you’re missing the entire point. Use a phrase that acts as a little reminder that this little person is not a distraction from the good work God gave you. They are the work. It’s so empowering to know that we have the choice to think exactly what we want about our children, isn’t it?

But sometimes you can know that truth and still feel completely overstimulated. That’s when I go straight to the next habit.

Where Most Motherhood Advice Falls Short

But first, I feel like so much of motherhood content out there has really good advice for moms. It tells them how to behave. How to respond. How to train their children. How to glorify the Lord in their mothering, but so little of it actually supports them in getting them to a place where they’re actually able to live that out. Because when your nervous system is in chronic stress and your body feels constantly overstimulated, you can know the right thing to do and still feel like you cannot live it out in the moment.

I bridge that gap and I have a very specific way of helping moms escape chronic stress and fight or flight, and retrain their brains and their responses, so that they can actually show up how they want as a mother. My free workshop will walk you through the exact process I teach. The link is below.

Pull Them In Instead of Pushing Away

Sometimes the fastest way to love motherhood again is to literally just lean into your children more by snuggling and loving on them.

One thing that almost instantly centers me when I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated is hugging and kissing my babies. The beautiful thing about this is this works regardless of why I’m overwhelmed. I could be anxious about something completely unrelated to my children, but when I get closer to them, I feel like everything is right in the world.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I don’t feel like doing it. Especially when they are, in fact, the ones that are overstimulating in that moment. Sometimes affection feels like the last thing I want because I’m already touched out.

But when I resist the temptation to push them away and instead pull them in, hug them, kiss their sweet little cheeks, and feel how little they are in my arms, it’s like my body remembers, “Oh. This is my baby.” I just feel like that is the Lord’s grace. The very child I thought was overwhelming me is often the child the Lord uses to bring me back to peace. When I pull them close, the thing I was tempted to push away becomes the very reminder that I love being their mother.

When the moment feels too tense for affection, I use this next little habit to soften my heart first.

Look at Your Child’s Baby Pictures

I look at baby pictures.

This especially helps me when I’m getting frustrated with teaching my eldest something and he’s being defiant, or just not getting it and I start to get frustrated because I’m not sure how to teach him. Sometimes I’ll just pull out my phone and start looking at baby pictures of him and it snaps me right out of it.

Because I’m not only seeing the child who is arguing, whining, or moving slowly. I’m seeing the tiny baby who first made me a mother. The little face I used to stare at when I was nursing him. The child whose life has been unfolding in front of me for years and all the warmth and gentleness just comes rushing into my heart.

I have my children’s baby pictures separated into albums which makes it super easy for me to flip to his baby pictures and browse through them for a minute and just delight in their chubby hands. It’s amazing what looking at pictures from a season you thought you’d never forget can do and how quickly it can bring that tenderness back into your heart.

Once your heart softens, it’s much easier to do this next one-minute habit which is to use words sweet like honey.

Use Words That Are Sweet Like Honey

Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

I call them honey words. Words that are sweet. It makes sense because we know that words stick. We want our words to cover our family with something pleasant, right? That image in Proverbs 16 helped me so much because I could actually picture my words sticking to my children like honey.

Before you correct, answer, or give an instruction, take a second to remind yourself to use words that are sweet like honey. Because our children carry our words with them long after they’re said. They carry our tone, and the way our face looked when we said it. Use honey words.

But before your child even hears your words, they see your face.

Let Your Face Light Up for Them

This is one of the simplest habits, and I think it matters more than we realize: smile when your child walks into the room or every time you look at them.

I started noticing that my default face was not always saying what I wanted it to say. A child would come into the room and I might technically be available, but my face looked busy. Or annoyed.

I started thinking, no. I want my children to walk into a room and see their mother’s face just absolutely light up. If you do that again and again, day after day, that becomes part of the atmosphere of your home and they will eventually leave the home feeling like, wow, my mom really loved being a mom.

Once your child can feel YOUR delight, you can start training the whole home to look for it too.

Create a Joy Jar for Your Family

Listen, there’s something about gratitude. When we take the time to really notice something that brings us delight, joy starts to replicate.

The next habit is to create a joy jar. It’s just a little jar where your family collects blessings, gratitude, funny memories or joy from the day and you guys all take the time to write it down and reflect on it. What I love about it is that it trains everyone in the home to notice the little daily joys of life and becomes a constant reminder of life’s blessings. It can be SUCH a good tool for anyone who is in a cranky mood.

Put out a jar and have some slips of paper and pen nearby. Add whatever your little heart desires to the jar, whatever brings you joy. Then whenever you need a little joy in your life, take a couple of the slips of paper out and reflect on them. The more you look for joy, the easier it becomes to find and the faster it replicates.

But sometimes we need to do more than just notice the joy. We need to preserve it.

Record the Little Moments You Don’t Want to Lose

One of the fastest ways to love your motherhood again is to start recording the little moments you don’t want to lose.

I think we assume we’ll remember these seasons forever because they feel so monumental in our lives as mothers. But so many of the details disappear. The way your children mispronounced a word in the cutest way possible. The outfit they wore every day for two weeks straight. The funny thing they said from the backseat that made you howl in laughter. Sometimes when we don’t record the sweetness, the hard parts take up too much space in our memory.

Choose one simple way to capture this season. You could keep a running note in your phone. Or have a journal dedicated to little things like this. Or even just a spot in your regular journal. Or you can do what I do and set up email accounts for each child and send little love letter emails to your children with pictures and memories like this. An added bonus is that the act of writing them down helps you treasure them now and then you’ll read them in the future and it will make your heart sing with gratitude then too.

But some days joy gets crowded out by how mundane motherhood can tend to be and we can lose sight of the opportunities for discipleship that we are offered all day long.

Turn to Scripture for Everything

The next one minute habit is to turn to Scripture for everything. Children are fighting? Turn to the Word. Your child has a whining issue? Turn to the Word.

We live by a house that has a year-round skeleton in the yard. Actually, it’s not just a skeleton. It’s a whole yard full of just really heinous grotesque things. Of course, that is wildly inconvenient for a Christian family with young children when you’re trying to train their minds to dwell on what is lovely, pure, and commendable.

My son started having nightmares about all the things in their yard. I just felt so bad for him and really was at a loss, until I was reading Psalm 91 and was like oh my word, this is the answer. I can give him Scripture to explain to him how protected he is and use the Word to comfort him.

I read him Psalm 91 and was telling him how the Lord is our refuge and our fortress, that we can trust Him, that He covers His people like a bird covers her babies with her wings, that His faithfulness is a shield, and that we do not have to fear the terror of the night.

Our children’s little brains are looking for wiring instructions from the world and we get to be the ones to shape that wiring for them and as mothers, we get to bring Scripture into those tiny, ordinary moments. Nothing makes me love motherhood more than discipling my children and to see how the Word of God can be their comfort. To give them the tools to turn to the Word for all their struggles is my life’s work and brings so much joy.

Once you start seeing Scripture as your daily tool, you begin to realize you’re not just handling isolated moments, you’re building a family culture.

Give Your Family a Motto to Live By

A family motto gives your children direction and a better understanding about what your family is all about.

One motto I love is, “People are important.” Because so many little conflicts in the home come back to that. A toy feels more important than a sibling. Being first feels more important than your sister. Getting the bigger piece feels more important than generosity. Winning feels more important than loving the person in front of you.

In a tense moment, we use that family motto. “In our home, people are important.” Then apply it to the exact situation. “Your sister is more important than that toy, so let’s treat her like that.”

That one sentence gives your children a framework for how to think about a particular issue or situation. It helps them understand the heart behind your correction. It keeps you from launching into a long lecture when a simple anchor phrase would serve them better anyway. Honestly, it just makes me feel less like a nag, which definitely helps me to love motherhood so much more.

But sometimes the conflict is so tangled that you don’t need to solve every detail first. You just need to call everyone back to Christ.

Ask Who Can Be Christ-Like Right Now

The question that cuts through that fog is this: who can be Christ-like right now?

It’s a phrase I heard from an older mom in my church. She said she would ask her children “who’s not being Christ-like right now” and then they’d point the finger at the other and she would say “well who can be Christ-like right now?”

That question is so helpful because it takes a confusing motherhood situation and brings it back to the main issue. Before I spend ten minutes trying to figure out who started it, who wronged who, who had the worse attitude, and where the whole thing fell apart, I can bring everyone back to the real question. Who can be Christ-like right now? Because regardless of what happened, we always have a choice in front of us, to be Christ like. What does that look like?

This is something I have to remember in motherhood too, because Christ-likeness isn’t only about how I correct my children. It’s also about how I serve in my home. Christ served sacrificially, and we are called to that kind of servanthood too, but I think a lot of mothers hear that and accidentally turn it into, “I have to do everything alone.” But part of building a Christian home is teaching our children to serve too. Because if I don’t pull them into my work and instead just try to entertain and appease them all day long, I’ll certainly not have time for the type of discipleship I’ve been talking about.

Bring Your Children Into the Work

I started thinking with the mindset of, it’s not my job to entertain the children, and instead, all I need to do is bring them into the work I’m already doing.

It’s easy to treat children like they are in the way of the housework, and then to feel sort of like a slave in the home. But family life was never meant to be mom doing everything while everyone else waits to be served.

When your child is hovering, interrupting, or getting into everything, try bringing them into the work you’re doing. Giving them a job gives them purpose. Letting them contribute to the needs of the home makes them feel valuable and useful and can be done at very young ages.

When the days start feeling endless, this next habit gives me so much perspective.

Count the Summers You Have Left

Count how many summers, or holidays, or birthdays you have left with your child.

Look up your child’s graduation year. Count how many years are left. Count the ordinary school mornings, the Saturday breakfasts. Because these days feel endless until you do the math.

This will just put it all into perspective and it will make you linger a little longer at bedtime tonight, trust me. It’s a reminder that the ordinary moments are not unlimited. They are numbered and they’re precious.

When I think about the years passing, I also think about the relationship I want with my children when they’re grown.

Picture Your Child at Thirty-Five

Picture your child at thirty-five.

Think about the kind of relationship you want to have with them. Picture future camping trips with your adult children and their families. Sunday dinners at your house. Your grown child calling you because they want your wisdom. Your future grandchildren running through the house.

Then ask, “What kind of mother builds that relationship today?”

This habit helps me mother with the bigger vision in mind. Because I’m not only trying to get through today. I’m building the kind of home my children will want to return to.

If you need a clearer picture of what kind of mother you want to be, this next habit gives you one.

Practice One Quality of a Mother You Admire

Think about a mom you admire, then practice one of her qualities today.

Choose a specific mother. Someone you know in real life. Someone older at church whose children are grown and walking with the Lord. Someone online whose fruit you respect. Then choose one trait about her that you can emulate today. Maybe she speaks super sweetly. Maybe she’s just really playful and funny.

Write down one trait and practice it. Then when you feel triggered, ask, “What would that look like right here?” Do the next faithful thing. You’re not pretending to be someone else. You’re practicing a form of faithfulness you already recognize as beautiful.

The final habit brings all of this together.

Decide How You Want to Be Remembered

Ask yourself how you want your child to remember you.

Finish this sentence: “I want my child to remember me as a mom who was ______.” Warm. Joyful. Safe. Loving. Present. Nurturing. Playful. Then write that word down wherever you’ll see it throughout the day.

If you want them to remember you as joyful, smile when they walk in. If you want them to remember you as safe, soften your correction. If you want them to remember you as present, put the phone down during the story. The goal is to become, by the grace of God, the kind of mother whose children can feel that she loves being theirs.

Your Children Will Feel It

These are the kinds of little habits that help me love motherhood again and while they are small, they matter and they will have a generational impact.

By the grace of God, over time, your children won’t only hear you say that you love being their mother. They’ll know. They’ll feel it in the way you look at them. They’ll hear it in the way you speak to them. They’ll remember it in the way home felt.

Which habit stood out to you the most?

If you want the full step-by-step process for becoming the mother you actually want to be and loving motherhood without overwhelm, you can take my free workshop using the link below.