You scroll through Instagram and see a post: “8 children, beautiful garden, hand-stitched curtains — with a caption saying, “You’re doing great, mama!” And you think, That’s not me. I only have two kids, I don’t even have curtains, I’m exhausted and how could you possibly know if I’m a good mother?

Then the next post says, “Hot mess moms unite. God made coffee and wine for such a time as this.”

And suddenly you realize… wait, so, these are the two models of modern Christian motherhood: perform or numb out?

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck between extremes — too tired for perfection, too convicted for apathy — longing to mother faithfully but also not lose yourself doing it?

There is a dangerous pendulum swinging in Christian motherhood that I’ve noticed and it’s why I think Christian mom culture is out of control.

On one side you have lukewarm faith masquerading as grace — where grace becomes emotional coping, numbing out, and “getting through the day however you have to – be it wine, food, social media, television, or some other unhealthy coping mechanism.”

On the other, hyper-legalistic performance posing as obedience — where faith becomes a scorecard, and Pinterest-perfect motherhood a measure of worth.

Both sides promise freedom. But both sides can also leave you empty and totally burnt out if they aren’t authentic to you and what’s right for your family.

The Two Sides of Toxic Christian Mom Culture

Side A: The Comfort-Seeking Side of Christian Motherhood

This is the version where motherhood becomes something to survive, not steward with wisdom and certainly not to thrive in.

It’s the wine-mom, caffeine-to-cope, scroll-to-escape rhythm that calls apathy “grace.”

It’s the memes about needing coffee to “keep the Holy Spirit alive,” the reels that end with “Mommy’s sippy cup = wine,” and the back-burner assumption that the only way to make it through a Tuesday is through a numb heart and a full mug.

You laugh through burnout, medicate with substances, and use social media as validation — a quiet scroll through reels that reassure you, “Everyone else is doing it too.”

You see the memes, the mugs, the hashtags — “tired moms, wine moms, hot mess express” — and it starts to feel like permission. Like proof you’re not the only one just getting by.

And before long, that endless stream of shared exhaustion starts to sound like grace — a kind of false affirmation that this is just how motherhood is supposed to feel.

And yet, deep down, you know you were made for more than coping.

This is where lukewarm faith cloaks itself in relatability. It says, “I’m doing my best,” but what it really means is, “I’ve stopped believing peace is possible.” It calls disengagement discernment, self-protection wisdom, and numbing a kind of modern holiness.

You can feel it in the tension between your exhaustion and your longing — that ache to be awake again, alive again, full of love again.

True grace doesn’t dull your senses — it awakens you to holiness, to the sanctifying work the Lord is doing within you.

Grace doesn’t pat you on the back while you spiral — it pulls you by the hand into transformation. It reminds you that peace is not found in escape but in surrender.

But when we swing away from numbing, most of us tend to overcorrect—straight into another trap that’s making Christian mom culture out of control.

Side B: The Hyper-Performance Side of Christian Motherhood

This side doesn’t numb — it strives.

It looks like holiness on the outside — like you’re a mother who just has it all together — but underneath, it’s anxiety dressed up as devotion.

It’s the perfect homeschool curriculums, from-scratch meals, and carefully curated lives to prove you’re doing motherhood right.

You try to create heaven in your home by sheer force of will, and every failure feels like a personal indictment of your faith.

It’s the woman who believes if she can just master her routines, cook every meal from scratch, and raise perfectly behaved children, have as many children as the Lord allows, then God will be pleased.

But all that striving turns motherhood into a marathon you were never meant to run.

And this is where “biblical living” quietly becomes performance art — a kind of spiritual aesthetic built on appearances. The color-coded chore charts, the homemade sourdough, the homeschooling co-ops, the candlelit family devotions — all good things, but sometimes more about image than intimacy with God.

Let me be clear — the women you see on social media who seem to fit this category aren’t necessarily getting it wrong. Many of them are walking faithfully in the lane God has given them. That’s not the issue.

The problem comes when we start striving to replicate someone else’s version of faithfulness instead of receiving our own. When we chase a lifestyle that looks godly, but lose sight of what God actually calls good, we’ve missed the mark entirely.

Because obedience isn’t about imitation — it’s about alignment. God doesn’t want you to copy her calling; He wants you to be faithful in yours.

Godly imitation always begins with the heart, not the hand. It imitates fruit, not formulas.

True godliness is seen in the quiet fruit of a sanctified heart, not the curated image of a well-run home.

The question isn’t, “Does my life look like hers?”
It’s, “Does my life look like His?”

When I finally stopped performing and stopped numbing—when I learned how to actually rest in the Lord—everything shifted.

My home felt lighter. My heart softer. My children calmer.

That shift didn’t happen overnight; it happened through a system—the same system I walk through step-by-step in my free workshop. Most mothers don’t need more information. They need a reset. They’re stuck in cycles of stress, overstimulation, and overwhelm.

Listen, legalism is not about holiness — it’s about control.

It builds a system to feel safe, instead of resting in the God who already saves.

Both sides—coping and performing—steal the peace God designed your home to carry.

And this is where even good things — like homemaking, homeschooling, or large families — can quietly become idols.

When “Good Things” Quietly Become Idols

Even what we label as “godly convictions” for one person can become idols when they define your worth or aren’t your own true convictions.

You see it online:

“We have ten children because we trust God completely.”
“We homeschool because that’s what real Christian families do.”

These things can be beautiful when they’re Spirit-led — a true calling on someone’s life — but they become crippling when they’re identity-led.

If you have fewer kids, you feel “less spiritual.”
If you don’t homeschool, you feel judged.
If your husband isn’t leading “like that influencer’s husband,” you feel like your family is broken.

And beneath it all lies a subtle pressure to keep up — not with the world, but with the most pious versions of Christian motherhood online.

Anything that defines your value other than Christ will eventually destroy your peace.

You can know the difference by what it produces. If it produces striving, shame, or comparison, it’s not from the Spirit. If it produces peace, gratitude, and humility — it’s likely the Lord’s leading.

And the danger is — the moment we lose sight of that difference, we start mistaking busyness for obedience. And nothing steals a mother’s peace faster than confusing doing for becoming.

The Trap of Busyness and Over-Scheduling

The busiest Christian moms often look the most sanctified — but busyness may be the enemy of your peace.

Picture this: the alarm goes off, the toddler’s crying, breakfast burns while you sign another co-op form…

We’ve confused fullness with faithfulness.

Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things but one thing is necessary.”

The issue wasn’t her service—it was her distraction.

Rest is not laziness — it’s obedience. It’s trust in action.

Busyness is often just noise disguising itself as purpose.

But busyness isn’t the only illusion — what about the picture-perfect homes that make you feel like you’re failing?

The Pressure of Idealized Domesticity

We tend to romanticize domestic life into something that looks holy — but often feels heavy.

Influencers often portray idyllic domestic life — perfectly staged kitchens, obedient children, and “quiet time” routines that look more like photo shoots.

Sometimes holiness looks less like curated calm and more like chaos met with compassion.

Because true beauty isn’t found in presentation — it’s found in participation with your real life.

When we start performing peace instead of practicing it, the presence of God fades into the background noise of our perfectionism.

The Overconsumption Cycle Many Mothers Are Caught In

We’re not just busy—we’re overfed and undernourished.

We scroll and scroll, looking for transformation, when what we need is communion with the Lord.

Peace doesn’t come from what you know — it comes from Who you abide in.

Transformation doesn’t come through consumption — it comes through communion.

And sometimes, the line between coping and communion is thinner than we think.

Signs You May Be Slipping Into Coping Culture

Your coping habits might look harmless—until they become your refuge.

If your first thought after bedtime is, “I need a drink, a show, or my phone,” that’s not rest — that’s escape.

Coping brings relief. Christ brings restoration and true transformation.

Watch for these signs:

• Relying on caffeine or alcohol to “get through”
• Using social media as emotional anesthesia
• Calling chronic exhaustion “just normal”
• Measuring peace by distraction, not presence

So, you don’t have to swing to the other extreme—there’s a better way.

Returning to the Narrow Way of Faithful Obedience

You don’t have to choose between apathy and anxiety, between chaos and control.

The way forward isn’t balance — it’s surrender.

It’s quieter than hustle and gentler than numbness.

It’s making dinner while singing to your children.
It’s taking a deep breath before you respond to disobedience.
It’s repenting quickly and forgiving faster.

Choose humility, not higher standards.

God wants your heart, not your highlight reel.

Your children don’t need a perfect mother; they need a peaceful one.

And when you begin to live like this, everything in your home shifts — even if nothing in your circumstances does.

Because peace isn’t the absence of chaos. It’s the presence of Christ within it.

Changing the Atmosphere of Your Home

Christian mom culture might be out of control — but your heart doesn’t have to be.

You can still take action. You can still change the atmosphere of your home — starting today.

If you feel stuck in survival mode and don’t even know where to begin, it’s not too late. You can feel calm, present, and in control again.

I walk through my exact system in my free workshop — inside, I’ll show you how to rebuild your rhythms from the inside out: how to calm your nervous system, renew your mind, and cultivate peace in your home that lasts.