12 Micro Habits That Helped Me Go From Surviving Motherhood to Thriving

Maybe it’s not a better morning routine, more self-care, a new supplement, or decluttering your home that will make you feel calm again. Maybe it’s just a couple micro habits—tiny shifts that can regulate your nervous system, and change the entire atmosphere of your home.

If the noise, the mess, and the constant needs leave you running on fumes… I want to share some simple, micro habits that helped me come up for air.

HABIT #1: Smiling

Playfulness might be the fastest way out of fight-or-flight—and into connection with your family.

I was recently in an argument with my husband—and yes, I have his permission to share this.

And I’ll be honest with you: I’m stubborn. Not in a cute, quirky way – not that it ever is. In a “foolish, this is a character flaw I have to wrestle with before the Lord” kind of way.

And in this particular moment, I had dug in. I wasn’t responding in the Spirit. I was operating fully in the flesh. And I was determined to win.

We were going back and forth—probably about something ridiculous—and in the middle of it, I broke character for just a second and gave this tiny smirk. Not on purpose. But it slipped out.

And instantly, my husband smirked too. I was shocked. What was happening? It was like a crack in the wall. The tension broke. We both started laughing. He came over, grabbed my face, kissed me, and said, “Why are you like this?!,” with a big grin. And just like that, it was over. Argument squashed. We moved on.

It reminded me of something I’ve said before: if you can be just a little playful—even when you’re upset—it has the power to soften the atmosphere in your home almost instantly. It’s disarming. It reminds everyone: “We’re on the same team.”

There’s a biblical rhythm to marriage. Wives want to be more respectful when they feel cherished. Husbands feel more loving when they feel respected. But the truth is—someone has to go first. And when we withhold love or respect because we think the other doesn’t deserve it, it’s our own fruit we forfeit. A gentle smile can often be the first act of laying down that pride.

HABIT #2: Show Me a Way Out

Anxiety makes your body feel unsafe—but as Christians, we have a better way.

I was in a call with my mentor one day and I was explaining a situation where I just lost it on my children. Feeling so guilty.

I explained that I had 10 things on my mind that I had to do, I was trying to be present with my children, but then read this email that I can’t even remember what it was but I remember it was bad news about something.

She could have told me I shouldn’t have been checking my email in that moment, or how I could have renewed my mind on all the things I had to do – and she would have been right – but instead, she gave me this super simple, and practical prayer that I use again and again.

She said, why don’t you just ask the Lord to show you a way out. Whatever the situation is, just say Lord, please show me a way out.

And just like that, that little micro prayer became my anchor in situations of stress, confusion, and survival.

HABIT #3: The Bed Break

Anger can take up so much mental space and it can cloud every interaction you have in the midst.

When you’re mad about something, something often happens when you immediately react—the anger compounds and puts your body into a state of fight or flight.

However, God tells us exactly what to do when we are angry. In Psalm 4:4 it says:
“Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.”

Physical retreat quiets adrenaline and can shift you out of survival mode. I’ve found that being obedient to this verse for even just a minute can give me clarity of mind and help me to move forward with so much more peace

HABIT #4: Detaching from Rumination

Overthinking doesn’t make you more prepared—it just keeps your body trapped in the past.

For years, I thought replaying conversations, imagining what I should’ve said, or rehearsing future confrontations was just part of being thoughtful or “processing” things deeply.

But I didn’t realize I was actually training my nervous system to stay in a state of hyper-vigilance.

What Rumination Does to the Brain:

• Locks you into the limbic system—your brain’s emotional survival center.
• Replaying moments with strong emotion reinforces a neural loop.
• Your brain can’t tell the difference between something that happened once and something you’re reliving a hundred times.

So every time you replay that moment, your body responds as if it’s happening again:

• Heart rate increases
• Breath shortens
• Cortisol rises
• Muscles tighten

You begin to live—not in the present—but in a cycle of imaginary arguments, what-ifs, and internal striving for control. That’s survival mode.

And the worst part: rumination hardens your heart. It keeps you rehearsing bitterness. It makes you less present to your children. It turns molehills into mountains. It steals your joy—one destructive loop at a time.

What changed everything for me was learning detachment—not in a cold, disconnected way, but in a surrendered, handing-it-to-God kind of way.

Now when my thoughts start spiraling, I stop and say:

“Lord, I give this to You. You know how this made me feel. But it’s not mine to carry. You are just. You are kind. You see the full picture. Soften my heart. Soften theirs. And let me walk in peace.”

In my course, I call this sort of rumination and the destructive behavior that likely results from it Old Destructive Patterns (ODPs). I teach my students how to escape ODPs using a step-by-step formula.

Because ultimately, the peace you want in your home starts with the peace you allow in your thoughts.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your own mind—overwhelmed by thoughts you can’t seem to shake—this is for you. You don’t have to stay trapped in survival mode.

Every time you practice detachment instead of rumination, you are not avoiding reality—you are choosing a better one.

HABIT #5: Turning My Phone into a Dumb Phone

Seriously, your phone is probably keeping you more in a state of survival mode than you think.

I did go a few months with a true dumb phone and loved it for a lot of reasons. But now I just keep my iPhone and use Assistive Access mode to turn it into a dumb phone.

This makes the phone super clunky to use—and extremely boring. You choose which apps you want to keep available.

This made me get honest about which apps were stumbling blocks and which were actual tools. Surprisingly, it wasn’t social media. It was things like email… or even Walmart and Amazon apps.

What does this practically look like in my daily life? I’m making dinner and see we’re out of ketchup. I open the Walmart app to add it to my cart. Then, just out of habit, I check my email. I see bad news.

Now I’m trying to make dinner, a baby’s fussing, the toddlers need me—and I have this email hanging over my head. All because I wanted to add ketchup.

All this can be avoided if we live like a 90s mom:

• Use a handwritten grocery list
• Check email when kids are in bed
• Protect your peace

That’s the beauty of Assistive Access or Focus Modes—you’re turning your phone into a tool, not a temptation.

Your nervous system doesn’t just respond to what’s happening—it responds to what’s accessible. Removing the option to be constantly “plugged in” allows your body to rest.

HABIT #6: ‘Pick One’ Meal Planning Method

Mothers carry a lot of mental weight, and one decision that adds so much to decision fatigue is meal planning.

When I was postpartum with my third baby, I asked: How can I make meal planning extremely simple, while still having a plan? I’m just not the wing-it type of gal.

I came up with what I call the ‘Pick One’ meal planning method.

I created a list of proteins, veggies, and carbs. For each meal, I just pick one from each category. For example:

• Protein: blackened chicken, whole roasted chicken, roast, meatballs
• Veggies: green beans, salad, steamed broccoli
• Carbs: mashed potatoes, sourdough bread, rice

So one dinner might be: blackened chicken, sourdough bread, and steamed broccoli. Another night: roast with mashed potatoes and salad.

You don’t need Instagram-worthy dinners every night—or, for certain seasons, at all! I’m personally in a season where our meals are very simple.

HABIT #7: Create an Easy Button Meals List

You need contingency plans when days go haywire.

I built a list of meals I can make in 15 minutes or less of hands-on time.

Here is one of our favorites lately:

• Frozen diced potatoes
• Frozen meatballs
• Frozen veggies

All thrown on a sheet pan and roasted for 20 minutes. Delicious, minimal effort.

I actually sell a 15-minute meal plan with over 50 recipes—the link is here if you’re interested.

HABIT #8: Create Staple Meals Each Week

Set your meals up so you literally don’t even have to meal plan.

There are three meals that we always eat every week, so I only need to plan four. And with eating out, leftovers, or an easy button meal, I may not have to plan anything at all.

Our Staples:

• Meal 1: Roast with a carb and veggie
• Meal 2: Whole roasted chicken with a carb and veggie
• Meal 3: Soup (or salad in warm months) using leftovers

Systems win over willpower. Always.

Willpower is like a match—quick to light, quick to burn out. A system has longevity.

Most mothers are running their homes on the fumes of willpower. That’s not sustainable. That’s survival mode.

Creating a bulletproof system—one with built-in margin—allows you to operate from peace and flexibility, not burnout.

HABIT #9: Get Rid of What Doesn’t Serve You

Figure out what you own that you think is a blessing—but is actually a facade. For us, it was the TV.

We don’t own a TV anymore.

It was mostly broken and just collecting dust. When we did use it—like 20 minutes twice a week—I always regretted it. My kids would act like they didn’t know what to do afterward.

Now that we’ve removed the screen option, I find more creative and productive ways to occupy them.

That said, if you’re using a trusted streaming service and content, it can be a helpful tool for necessary self-care.

Clarity can come from subtraction. Remove what steals mental space.

HABIT #10: Stopped Drinking Coffee First Thing

I used to wake up and drink coffee immediately. By 9–10 am, I had heart palpitations, ringing ears, hiccups—signs of nervous system overdrive.

Then I pushed my coffee (just one black cup a day) to a few hours after waking—and all those symptoms disappeared.

Coffee can overstimulate an already overworked system. This small timing shift might help, but it’s the root overstimulation I help address in my free workshop.

HABIT #11: Laugh Every Day

Watch a clean Christian comedian—Tim Hawkins or Nate Bargatze. Or a silly animal video. Or baby giggles.

Let yourself laugh at real life. When your toddler does something hilarious, don’t just smirk—actually laugh.

In marriage, too—when I laugh at my husband’s jokes, he turns into a full-on stand-up act. It brings so much lightness to our relationship.

Laughter softens hearts, shifts atmospheres, and reminds us that joy is part of the Christian life.

HABIT #12: Started Breathing Correctly

Your breath reflects whether your nervous system is in stress or safety.

Regulated Breath:

• 6–10 seconds total
• From your belly, not your chest
• Activates the parasympathetic nervous system
• Signals: “You’re okay. You can relax.”

Shallow breathing tightens posture and increases anxiety. Deep breathing grounds you and restores clarity.

I used to try deep breathing, but it never stuck—until I healed my nervous system. One day, I realized I was breathing deeply again, without trying.

If you’re ready to breathe deeply again—even in the chaos of motherhood—I’d love to walk you through that process in my free workshop.

What Habit Will You Try First?

Which habit will you be trying this week? Leave a comment so we can cheer each other on.

And if you’re curious how God healed my constant overstimulation and daily anger, I share it all in the workshop linked below.