From Striving to Surrender: Letting Go of What Keeps You Stuck

When I finally realized I wasn’t angry at my kids, or my husband, or my circumstances—I was angry that motherhood exposed everything in me that needed changing… that’s the day I started to become a new person.

It wasn’t a single moment of triumph. It was a continuous humbling – Like God holding up a mirror and saying, “This is the part I want to heal.”

Here’s what I learned: motherhood, marriage, and your personal circumstances don’t make you impatient, prideful, or easily triggered—they just show you that those things were already there.

And it turns out—transformation doesn’t start with trying harder. It starts with giving up things that aren’t serving you or your calling.

This won’t happen from sheer willpower – It happens when you finally reach a place where you are desperate to be more like Jesus. This is what I experienced when I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw—I set out to completely transform myself—I wanted my life, my reactions, my home, and even my inner world to glorify Christ.

That desire you feel to grow, to change, to become more Christlike—is evidence of God’s Spirit moving within you.

God isn’t asking you to polish the old you—He’s inviting you to become new in Him, to live as the woman He died to redeem. This isn’t a return to your old self—it’s a resurrection into your new one.

But transformation doesn’t start with striving. It starts with surrender.

And before you can surrender, you have to identify what’s no longer serving the purpose of God in your life.

Identify What No Longer Serves God’s Purpose

You can’t walk in newness of life while still holding onto what keeps you bound to your old self. The goal isn’t to stay clean—it’s to get clean every time you become dirty. Which means that becoming new and sanctified isn’t the absence of failure; it’s adopting the habit of repentance.

Ephesians 4:22 (ESV) says, “Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires.”

This isn’t just about cleaning up habits or decluttering your home. It’s about allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal what needs to be released—what’s weighing down your soul, cluttering your heart, or distracting your focus.

Spiritual Clutter

Identifying what you need to let go of starts with figuring out all the things that pull your affection away from Christ. Maybe it’s busyness, perfectionism, devices, work, social media, or something else that keep you from seeking His wisdom and strength.

So Ask yourself:
What competes for my time in the Word and prayer.
Notice what you reach for in your precious quiet moments. Is it your phone? Cleaning? Television?

These small habits and choices reveal what or who you trust to soothe it – and yet, even when you’ve trimmed the fat from your habits, sometimes there’s something else that keeps you feeling trapped in your old self.

Emotional Burdens

Your emotional burdens. These are the hidden things in your heart like resentment, shame, fear, regret, unforgiveness—that keep you in spiritual bondage. You can’t carry the peace of Christ and a heart full of bitterness at the same time – one of them has to go.

Psalm 55:22 (ESV): “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”

So ask yourself:
What pain am I still nursing instead of surrendering?
Who am I refusing to forgive, even though it’s robbing me of my own peace?

Ok, cool. So now what do I do with this, you might ask.

Here’s an idea for something super minute, but very relevant in our lives. Picture the moment every day that frustration bubbles up—maybe during the dinner-hour chaos or when your husband forgets something again. That’s the moment to breathe, say a prayer, and hand the offense back to God instead of replaying it in your mind.

For example, maybe one of your stumbling blocks is something as small—and yet somehow infuriating—as when your husband leaves his dirty laundry on the floor. Maybe every time you see it, that familiar irritation rises up. You start rehearsing the same old script in your head: He always does this. I’ve asked him a hundred times to put his socks in the hamper. This is proof that he isn’t loving me as he ought to.

I heard a woman say something that completely changed the way I think about moments like this. When her husband did things that frustrated her, instead of letting resentment take root or using her words to cut, she quietly picked up the laundry, tossed it in the wash, and said six simple words—Dear Lord, this is for You.

Those words turned a moment of irritation into an act of worship. It wasn’t about ignoring her feelings or pretending it didn’t bother her. It was about choosing to offer that small act up to the Lord instead of using it to wound her husband. Every piece of laundry became a chance to lay down pride, and to crucify the flesh.

This is a way to protect your own peace and avoid emotional burdens.

But even when you forgive, the same negative thoughts creep back. How do you stop believing lies that feel so true?

Mental Strongholds

This is where you need to identify and release any mental strongholds. These are patterns of thought that contradict the truth of God’s Word—those subtle lies that say, “You’ll never change,” “You’re too far gone,” or “This is just who you are.” Or even those same thoughts of those you love.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV): “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

This is where renewing your mind begins. Replace those lies with truth.

Romans 12:2 (ESV): “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Here’s what you can do – Write down your repeating thoughts that keep you bitter- the ones you know are contrary to what the Lord thinks, or the ones that don’t give you hope. Next to it, write a Bible verse that contradicts it. Read this verse out loud every time that thought comes into your head so it sort of cancels it out – eventually, everytime that thought tries to rear its ugly head, your brain will automatically go to that verse you’ve practiced again and again.

Something that can happen when you’re making changes is that you feel stuck because the people around you aren’t changing with you – and maybe they even make you feel or remind you of the person you used to be instead of encouraging you to continue embracing the new woman you’re becoming.

Relational Ties

Here’s where letting go gets really difficult. Because you have to get honest about your relationships. Relationships can either sharpen or drain your spirit.

Proverbs 13:20 (ESV): “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Ask:
Who in my life strengthens my walk with God?
Who consistently pulls me toward gossip, complaining, or compromise?

Then, and this can be a difficult one, address the hard question – who in my life do I need to treat better? Who in my life do I actually need to take up my cross, regardless of how they’re treating me, and treat not on the basis of what they deserve, but instead as an act of worship towards the Lord. Usually these are the ones in your home. Your husband, children. The ones the Lord called you to love – your purpose in life. Your whole ministry in the home is devoted to these ones.

Love everyone, of course—but allow God to prune who is becoming a stumbling block for you. You can love someone deeply and still limit their influence. It may look like not joining the complaint-text thread or declining that “harmless” vent session that always leaves you cynical. Boundaries aren’t bitterness; they’re stewardship.

And then ask Him to refine you—to change your heart, your tone, your posture—for the ones He’s called you to love most. Ask him what you need to let go in order to pour into those most important relationships. Maybe it’s your need to be right. Maybe it’s the justice you feel you deserve. Maybe it’s control, resentment, or self-protection. Whatever it is, let it fall away—so you can love freely, fully, and in step with His Spirit.

This process—identifying what no longer serves my calling—is exactly what helped me stop living in constant overwhelm and overstimulation. When I finally laid it all out, the Holy Spirit began showing me how to replace stress with peace, frustration with calm.

But it wasn’t just a few changes – it was a whole system, and that’s the exact system I teach step-by-step in my free workshop, From Survival Mode to Peace-Filled Homemaking in 7 Days. If you haven’t watched it yet, that’s where I walk you through the practical rhythms that retrained my brain and renewed my home. The link is below.

When Letting Go Isn’t About a Perfect House

When letting go and starting fresh, so often people turn to decluttering physical clutter. But listen, you can’t declutter your way to peace if the chaos is predominantly whats inside of you.

I find myself in a lot of mothers homes for play dates and things. So I see a wide range of cleanliness. As someone who is a natural declutterer – like to a fault – I often regret decluttering things… I often go to homes where I see so much life lived. There’s breakfast leftover on the kitchen table, crumbs all over the floor, a high chair that hasn’t been immediately wiped up, toys everywhere, muddy shoes by the door, and SO much joy radiates through the house. The children are happy, the mom is happy, everyone is just joyous. And I often think, that’s what I want. I want to be in an environment that isn’t perfect, and still maintain my peace and joy. To cherish the years where my home isn’t perfectly clean because I’m busy discipling my little ones.

So before I go into this section, I want to preface this by saying, you can absolutely have a messy home and still have a peaceful spirit, but the opposite can be true too. A perfectly clean house can still hold an anxious heart.

With that, and this is why I think so often we turn to decluttering when we are in survival mode, is because our outer world often mirrors our inner one. When your home is chaotic, your spirit often feels scattered.

And when we feel dysregulated, our brains crave control. The physical clutter in our environment can overstimulate the senses, feeding the same anxious loop that keeps our nervous system on high alert.

Decluttering gives a temporary sense of order and relief, which is why it feels so satisfying in the moment—it’s your brain grasping at something tangible to regulate itself. Scientifically, it’s linked to the release of dopamine, which offers short-term calm but doesn’t address the root cause of dysregulation.

Biblically, this goes even deeper. We’re told in Proverbs 14:30 (ESV), “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” That “tranquil heart” isn’t achieved through external control but through inner peace—through the renewing of the mind.

Decluttering can be a healthy act of stewardship when done from a place of peace—but when driven by anxiety or self-soothing, it becomes a coping mechanism rather than true healing.

That’s exactly what we walk through inside my course—how to calm the inner storm so you no longer need to chase peace through outer control. Once your nervous system resets, the desire to constantly “fix” your environment fades, and homemaking becomes a natural expression of peace instead of a desperate attempt to create it.

But yes, with all of that, I do think it’s wise to simplify your surroundings so they reflect God’s order.

So what can you do? Just notice your heart as you declutter and clean—are you striving for control or stewarding with gratitude? The difference will be pretty clear – if you’re striving for control you’ll feel icky, or irritated, or rehearsing your scripts in your head about how you are the only one keeping the house in order. But if you’re stewarding well, you’ll feel that too. It’ll feel a lot like love, joy, peace, thankfulness and other fruit of the spirit.

Misaligned Commitments That Drain Your Calling

The last thing that often needs to go, is misaligned commitments. We often stay busy serving others, but if it’s not what the Lord called us to, we end up running on empty and burning out.

Funny story…

Right before I started talking about what I talk about now on this channel, I actually took a long break from YouTube and blogging altogether. I just didn’t have the energy or mental capacity for it. I was drained—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Then, in what felt like one of the most inconvenient seasons of my life, I felt the Lord nudging me to take the channel in this direction. I had this intense urge to rebrand, create my workshop, my course, new website, everything. And I kid you not—under the exact same circumstances, maybe even worse—I suddenly had energy. I was in my third trimester, exhausted, uncomfortable, still caring for two little ones, still homemaking every day… and yet there was this supernatural strength that carried me.

I would spend the day with my children, put them to bed, and then work for hours into the night—writing, filming, planning. And I’d wake up the next day ready to do it all again. It didn’t make sense in the natural, but it made perfect sense in the spiritual.

That season taught me something I’ll never forget: God doesn’t always wait for you to be rested, organized, or ready before He calls you to something. Sometimes, He calls you right in the middle of your chaos, so you’ll know it was never your strength sustaining you—it was His.

But keep in mind, the opposite can be true too.

There are seasons where you’re doing all the “right” things—serving, creating, pouring out—and yet you feel completely depleted. You pray for clarity, but everything feels heavy. You show up out of obedience, but there’s no wind in your sails.

That’s usually a sign that something needs to be released.

Maybe you’ve taken on a good thing that wasn’t actually what God called YOU to. Maybe you’re still trying to operate in a calling that belonged to a previous version of you. Or maybe the Lord is simply asking you to rest and say yes to less.

Audit your day/weeks/years like you’d audit a budget. Every yes costs energy; but every no could create space for obedience to whatever you specifically have been called to do. What’s the return on what you’re giving your hours to? go through your calendar last year with a fine tooth comb and audit what you said yes to – did it serve your calling or detract from it? Then pivot your approach this year to be in more alignment.

Alright so now that you’ve identified what no longer serves you, how do you actually lay them down? Let’s talk about surrender.

Surrender What You’ve Identified

Naming the weight isn’t the hard part—it’s laying it down. Most women stop right here because surrender feels like losing control, like this is the hard part – its where the rubber meets the road.

Now that you’ve named what’s not serving God’s purpose—surrender it. This is the hardest part because our brain craves familiarity and it will resist it – you will experience growing pains.

But comfort isn’t the same as peace and discomfort leads to freedom.

Jesus said:
“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:25 ESV)

So here’s what you do to actually begin letting go…

Confess and release — Name the thing you’re letting go of. Speak it aloud in prayer.

Replace it with truth — Every time the old thought returns, counter it with Scripture.

Saturate your life with the Word — This is not about checking a box. It’s about feeding your spirit. The more you fill your mind with truth, the easier it becomes to spot what doesn’t belong.

Picture the woman you long to be—the one who speaks gently, lives slowly, and stays calm under pressure. See her through the lens of Scripture, and then start acting like her before you feel like her. Once you define that future self, you’ll begin to take actions that align with becoming that person every single day.

Psalm 143:5 (ESV): “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.”

Using your imagination like this, when rooted in Scripture, becomes an intimate form of biblical meditation. When you picture yourself responding with peace instead of panic, you’re rehearsing obedience.

So once you’ve let go—what now? How do you keep from returning to old destructive patterns?

Move Forward Renewed

Renewal isn’t usually this dramatic moment of change; it’s a thousand small moments when you choose obedience —when you stop reacting from who you were and start responding from who He’s making you to be.

Ask the Lord in difficult situations: “Wheres the obedience in this?” Maybe it’s taking a deep breath and praying when you want to sigh and roll your eyes, speaking kindly when you want to snap, or reading the Word instead of scrolling.

You don’t become her by striving harder—you become her by believing differently. Renewal starts in your mind long before it shows up in your habits.

And when you slip—and you will—remember: the goal was never perfection. it’s whether you still believe His mercy is waiting when you do and continually walking back to Him to make you clean.

Grace for the Journey Ahead

This is the way of transformation—not by grit, not by perfection, but by grace upon grace. You’ll fall, and then you’ll get clean again.

The home doesn’t transform when your circumstances improve—it transforms when your heart is surrendered.

If you need a starting point, my free workshop walks you through the exact process that helped me calm my nervous system, renew my mind, and live from peace instead of pressure.

The link is below—I’d love for you to join me.

It’s always such a joy to have you here!