How I Got My Joy Back After Losing Myself in Motherhood

When you stop trying to keep up with every other mom and what they’re doing, focusing so much on checking off your to-do list, or just trying to get through this season of motherhood—and instead turn your attention to transforming who you are—that person you feel like you’ve lost will naturally start to come back. And I am living proof of this.

I went from dreading everyday as a mother, suffering from chronic fatigue and overstimulation and debilitating anxiety which led to mom rage and other destructive behavior… to now actually being excited to wake up each day, spend time with my family, work on passion projects, and be the joyful keeper of my home I was born to be.

And the best part? I experienced this change in less than a week.

I did it without spending thousands of dollars on therapy or supplements, or spa days. I did it without my circumstances changing at all. In fact, my circumstances got harder by adding more children into the mix—which is something that I thought would never happen because of how miserable I was.

I didn’t need a makeover or a new planner. I needed to become someone new—and I knew it. I knew I needed an entire overhaul, but that seemed so daunting and honestly, just impossible. But what happened in just one week changed me forever.

Because the key to getting my joy back wasn’t doing more. It was becoming someone who naturally carries joy—without forcing it.

In this post, I’m going to show you exactly how I got my joy back after losing myself in motherhood… and how you can too.

Why “Just Surviving” Isn’t Enough

Far too many Christian mothers are being told to “just get through this season,” to wait until your children start sleeping through the night, to continue to fall deeper into despair and call it faithfulness.

The Gospel isn’t about merely surviving; it’s about being transformed.

And I’ve seen it—first in my own life, then in the lives of hundreds of women in my community. Women who felt stuck in guilt, burnout, shame… and began showing up with joy, grace, and peace—not because their lives got easier, but because they changed.

Stop Focusing on Outcomes—Start Focusing on Identity

For a long time, I thought fixing my motherhood struggles meant fixing the surface-level details. I’d experiment with new bedtime routines, buy planners that promised to organize my chaos, or set ambitious goals to “do better.” But no matter what I changed, I was still exhausted, still irritable, and still felt like a stranger in my own life—like joy was a distant memory.

Routines and habits don’t create lasting peace or joy if what’s “planted” deep inside you is stress, shame, or confusion about who you really are.

What you really need isn’t a better schedule or more discipline—it’s to plant a new seed in your heart: your identity as a beloved child of God, rooted in His grace and purpose for you.

When your identity is alive and secure, your life naturally changes. Peace replaces stress. Patience replaces frustration. Joy replaces exhaustion.

So instead of chasing the next productivity hack, start with the root: who God says you are. When you feed that root, everything else begins to grow differently—and you’ll find your joy returning naturally, not forced.

Becoming the Mother You Always Wanted to Be

I always knew deep down that I was a beloved child of God. That truth never changed. But becoming a mother shifted everything about how I saw myself. The roles, the exhaustion, the constant demands—it felt like my identity was being rewritten overnight, and not always in ways I wanted.

Here’s what I came to realize: motherhood isn’t the end of your identity. It’s actually the opportunity to become the woman you’ve always wanted to be—the mother you dreamed about when you pictured your future.

I sat down one day and got really clear about the kind of woman I wanted to become. I let Scripture shape that vision:

• Soft and gentle → Proverbs 31:26 reminds me to open my mouth with wisdom and kindness.
• Calm and joyful → Philippians 4:4–7 reminds me to rejoice in the Lord and rest in His peace.
• Hardworking and sacrificial → Proverbs 31:15, 17 shows me what it looks like to serve my family well.
• Playful and loving as a wife → Song of Solomon 4:9 reminds me joy and delight matter in marriage too.

Then, I thought through what this might look like in real life. For example:

• When my kids are noisy and demanding, I practice speaking gently instead of snapping.
• When I desperately need nap time for myself, I choose joy and pray for wisdom instead of giving in to fear and frustration.
• When my husband walks in the door after a long day, I look for ways to greet him warmly instead of unloading my stress.

This clarity gave me a roadmap. It wasn’t about perfection—it was about intentional steps toward the woman God created me to be.

And the results were incredible—not just in my own life, but in the lives of the women I’ve mentored. One woman even told me:

“I had barely gotten my feet wet in your course and things were already happening. My husband noticed a huge shift. For once, I had hope… My marriage became something we dreamed of since the day we were married. I felt so free in areas I didn’t even think were possible.”

That shift wasn’t about one little change. It was a full system of transformation—one I teach step by step in my free workshop.

A Step-by-Step Process for Shifting Your Identity

Here’s the five-step framework that changed everything for me:

1. Choose your new identity and write it down.
   Example: “I am a gentle, joyful mother.”
2. Identify and eliminate limiting beliefs.
   Silence the voice that says, “I’ll never change.”
3. Rewire your brain by focusing on your new identity.
   What you focus on grows stronger.
4. Interrupt and reframe old destructive patterns.
   Example: instead of yelling, say, “I am a mother who leads with dignity and grace.”
5. Stay in environments that build your faith.
   Surround yourself with Scripture, prayer, and godly voices—not despair or negativity.

Finding Peace and Joy Again

This is exactly what I teach in my course. I go in-depth and show you how to create the vision of the woman you want to be—and actually live it out, not in your own strength, but by using biblical tools to renew your mind, rewire your responses, and take your nervous system out of constant fight-or-flight.

If you’re feeling like you’re drowning in motherhood, exhausted and worn out—I’d love for you to join my free workshop.

I’ll show you exactly how I broke free from survival mode and how you can do the same.