Why Does Housework Make You Angry? It’s not what you think.

Why does housework make you so angry? I’ll give you a hint – it’s not your kids fault or your husband. Let’s dive into what’s really behind your frustration as a Christian homemaker—and how to fix it.

Why Housework Makes You Angry

 I have a blog post called “Simple Cleaning Schedule for Working Moms” and I have several scathing comments on there about why the husband and children weren’t included in my schedule. I mean these moms were angry! Even though logically, this was a cleaning schedule for working moms, of course I’m going to make the schedule for the MOM. I cannot make assumptions about if a husband is in the picture, or if he is able to do housework, or if the children are even old enough to do housework.

I don’t feel I need to defend something so obvious – but it got me thinking… why does the thought of housework, and doing housework make people so angry?  I believe it comes down to a few different reasons.

• First, we feel that the work that needs done is a waste of time because it’s immediately going to be undone.
• Second, there’s too much work to possibly be done in the amount of time you actually have to do it, so this impossible task causes anxiety which causes anger and you’re upset that the burden of the work is put on solely you.
• And lastly, we fall into the feminists lies that being a homemaker who tends to the home is demeaning work. Let’s discuss solutions for each of these scenarios.

Can I tell you a secret? The problem isn’t the housework. So the solution couldn’t possibly be  having more time to get it done, hiring someone to do it, or any other solution to getting the work done. The problem is deeper. It’s a heart problem you have towards homemaking as a whole and that, dear homemaker, can only be solved with Jesus.

Problem: Your Work is Immediately Undone

So if you’re getting angry about your housework because you feel like it’s constantly getting ruined or immediately undone – you may be focusing too much on getting the work finished when housework isn’t a job that is meant to ever be finished. Here’s the issue with this mentality… when the housework becomes a task that you need to check off your list and not have to return to for what you deem an acceptable amount of time, it makes the people who make the messes in your house the problem. And the way you respond to these people making the messes, whether it be yelling, huffing and puffing, sighing, complaining etc, makes them feel like a burden on you.

If this is you, then you have an incorrect view of the nature of the work, your family, and your role as a homemaker. The goal is not for the housework to ever be done. If that were the case, if it truly could be a task that is done and can be checked off your list, that would mean there’s no life lived in your home – and what a shame that would be?

Solution: Shift Your Perspective of the Tasks of Housework

The repetitive tasks of a homemaker are meant to be maintenance work—actions performed regularly to sustain order in the life being lived. Instead of feeling frustrated that you just cleaned the floor, try shifting your perspective. View the need to clean it again as evidence of a vibrant, lived-in home. This mindset can help alleviate the anger and frustration often tied to housework.

You are in a caretaking role, and your home is where life is nurtured—and nurturing life is messy. Your family isn’t the problem, homemaker; they are the purpose. So, what do you do now? Repent and let go of the notion that you can complete your list of duties and move on for what feels like a “reasonable” amount of time. Instead, submit to the Lord’s view of your role: to nurture life continually and joyfully.

Problem: People Aren’t Doing Their Fair Share

The next heart issue is when you feel angry that people aren’t taking on their fair share of the housework. You can feel angry when you feel like the burden of all the housework is on you.

This is a double-sided heart issue. First is that you have a wrong view of what your role is as the homemaker. you may think that everyone in the home should be taking on an equal amount of the work that needs to be done. And that’s simply not how life works in reality is it? As the homemaker, it’s your responsibility to make the home. That is your domain – your jurisdiction. This is good. Your role is worthy.

Someone needs to run the home for it to function. You’re running your home economy and you along with your family are on mission. What a blessing is that? You and those in your home are all serving the same God, have the same ultimate goal, and the same enemy you’re fighting. Nobody gets that in their workplace! So be grateful that this is the place you get to serve. Most husbands have to go out into the world which isn’t so inviting.

Solution: Create a Culture of Helpfulness

Now this is not to say that you shouldn’t delegate the tasks as the homemaker. You absolutely should! But there’s work to be done even in that. To delegate tasks means you need to teach, build relationship, and nurture a larger concept in your families minds. You’ll have to practically teach your family how to do a job. You’ll need to build the relationship by encouraging them, and you’ll need to help them understand why the work is necessary. for many homemakers, it’s simply easier to just do the work yourself while indulging in irritation (which is actually just anger) and self pity.

This is destructive to you and your family. Even if you don’t think you’re outwardly showing this heart posture, your family can feel it.

So, what can you do? You can create a culture—a culture of helpfulness and cheer within your home. You have the privilege of building morale and setting the tone of your home! Instead of falling into the role of a nagging wife or mother, you can train and teach your family to be joyfully helpful. Think big picture: you’re not just asking for help today; you’re equipping your children with the skills and mindset to serve their own families in the future.

So repent of your anger, then cheerfully create a culture of helpfulness in your home. Be the mama and wife that your family WANTS to help. Remember, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If you are sweet and cheerful, your family will be drawn to you. Your children will want to help you and your husband will be looking for ways he can serve. If you are bitter and resentful, your family will flee from you.

Ask me how I know this, ladies. I have a confession, literally this weekend, after I had drafted this video, I was storming and stomping around the house, just so angry that I had 4 million things to do and nobody was helping me. Can’t they see I have too much to do?! Well guess where that got me? My whole family avoided me and there was a very awkward drive to church. I needed to repent and apologize for how I was acting and I felt like a child. We’ve all been there and it’s not fun!

Problem: Housework Feels Like a Demotion

Finally, the housework may make you angry because you feel it’s a demotion. If you chalk the role of a homemaker up to simply housework, you’re doing yourself and your role a disservice. You’re taking a worthy calling and belittling it to the most basic task required of the work.

Don’t be fooled – you may have this feeling and not even realize it. Perhaps you  outwardly follow all the homemaking centered instagram accounts, watch all the beautiful homemaking channels that promote beauty in homemaking, and yet, you have this thorn in your side telling you that what you’re doing is grunt work and not worthy. It’s that nasty idea looming over your head feeding you lies about your role as a whole. Perhaps you’ve fed into the feminist lies that doing housework is demeaning to a woman and that you deserve to be doing more with your time.

Solution: Understand the Value of Making a Home

You ought to have a true understanding of the work of the home and the value of making it. The value behind making your home a safe haven for your family. A restful oasis from the outside world.

If you’re interested in a housework/homemaking schedule, visit this blog post where I lay out daily, weekly, monthly, and even cooking schedules!

It was a joy to have you, I’ll see you next time!