4 Hidden Strengths God Is Building in You Through the Life You Didn’t Choose

When Motherhood and Homemaking Don’t Look Like You Imagined

You pictured joyful homemaking… but most mornings you wake up with a knot in your stomach dreading the day ahead.
You dreamed of slow days at home with your babies… but instead, maybe you clock in at a job that drains you—because there’s no other option.
You thought motherhood would be sweet and simple… but your child’s needs are complex, exhausting, and more than you ever prepared for.
Maybe you longed for a Christ-centered marriage… but you’re walking with Jesus alone, praying for a man who doesn’t believe.
You imagined yourself running a peaceful, beautiful home… but most days you feel like you’re drowning in noise, mess, and unmet expectations.

Maybe you’re sitting there thinking, you didn’t sign up for this version of your life.

Many Christian women feel like they’re failing spiritually simply because their life doesn’t look how they expected. A difficult marriage, an overwhelming home, a child with special needs, isolation from community—But often, the life we didn’t choose is exactly where God is forming our deepest strength.

In this post, I want to show you 4 hidden strengths God is forming in you right now—even if your life feels small, messy, or nothing like what you prayed for.

When You Feel Stuck in Survival Mode

We’re told that if we just pray more, organize more, be more grateful, things will click and life will get so much easier.
But for so many of us, we’re doing all of that—and still feeling like we’re missing something.

I used to believe that a hard season meant I was off-track. That the presence of pain meant the absence of God.
But the more I walked with Him, the more I saw the opposite—
It was in the unchosen places that He met me most intimately.

1 Peter 4:12-13 was a pivotal scripture for me as I walked through my healing journey as a Christian mother who was chronically ill with chronic fatigue. This scripture brought me comfort knowing that the Lord knew my struggles and was allowing them for whatever reason which I trusted would be revealed in time.

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed.”
—1 Peter 4:12-13

Peter probably wrote this letter at the beginning of the horrors of a 200-year period of Christian persecution. Peter explains later that four attitudes are necessary in order to be triumphant in trials—and that’s what we are going through today: how God might be growing your endurance, discernment, joy, and ability to entrust it all to Him through this life you didn’t choose.

1. Endurance: When Trials Just Keep Coming

We love verses about endurance—until trials show up in our life and we actually have to persevere through them.

You’re hit with trials again and again in life. You’ve likely already come to realize this isn’t a fluke. This is the Christian life. And in that realization, you begin to build spiritual endurance—not glamorously, but faithfully.

I love in verse 12 of 1 Peter 4 how it says:

“Do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”

Do you ever feel like this when you’re walking through trials? Usually it’s just one thing after another and it just feels like—okay, how in the world can this much be going wrong? Like am I being pranked? Do you know what I mean? It’s almost as if all these trials were strategically planted here to make my life miserable. I’m sure you’ve all felt similarly in different seasons of your life.

Okay, so we are to expect this.
Scripture tells us not to be surprised when fiery trials come upon us, as if they were strange or accidental. These trials come to test our faith—not to tempt us, but to purify and strengthen us.

I’ve found God to be so patient and gracious that even when we respond poorly—whether with fear, frustration, or self-reliance—He is faithful to walk with us through it.
And sometimes, in His mercy, He allows similar trials to come again. Not as punishment, but as a second chance to respond with deeper trust, surrender, or wisdom.

We may stumble. But God is not keeping score—He’s shaping us.
Every trial becomes another invitation to grow in Christlikeness and learn to walk in His strength, not our own.

What is one trial that keeps coming up in your life?
Decide what it would look like to pass that test in the Lord’s eyes. Then pray for the Lord’s help on that matter.

Endurance doesn’t look noble in real time. It looks like waking up and serving your family joyfully even when it’s hard.
It looks like staying faithful in a marriage that feels one-sided.

So if you’re still showing up—even with a weary heart and a messy house—you are not failing. You’re becoming more like Christ.

This is a slow, steady process—because a thousand years is like a day to God.
The transformation He’s working in your life may feel unbearably slow, but it’s that very slowness that gives it lasting strength.

2. Evaluation: Facing the Trials Honestly

Once we’ve stopped being surprised by the trials, the next step is to ask:
Why this one? And maybe even more honestly: why again?

You’re not overwhelmed because your life is hard. You’re overwhelmed because you’re still trying to handle it all by yourself.
You’re resisting the dependence you need in the life you’ve been called to and you’re pushing back against what you think is ‘wrong’ when that’s the very life the Lord has called you to.

So, the next way to handle trials and the life you didn’t choose is to evaluate the cause. This requires honest introspection.

Sometimes, we may never fully understand why God allows certain hardships.
I think of Job, who was caught in a spiritual battle far beyond his sight.
Often, the true purpose of trials reveals itself only later, as we grow into a more Christlike version of ourselves.

This process—whether in homemaking, motherhood, marriage, or life itself—is a refining fire that chips away the old self to reveal someone new, someone a little closer to Christ.
If we let it, this process purifies us.

But here’s the tension: in the midst of those trials, self-sufficiency can feel like the answer—the strength to push through on our own.
Yet, the truth is, self-sufficiency isn’t strength—it’s separation from God.

When we take a minute to evaluate our trials—not just escape them—we begin to see that the goal isn’t to push through in our own strength, but to lean more fully on His.

Self-sufficiency separates you from God; dependence draws you into communion with Him.

And it’s in that posture of dependence that something beautiful happens: clarity.

If you’re walking through trials like this and just don’t know a way out—maybe you have a child on the spectrum, an unbelieving husband, a job you don’t want to be at, and overall, you’re not living the life you dreamed of—and as a result, you feel like you’ve become the wife and mother you don’t want to be—maybe you’re struggling with feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or reactive in your home…

You’re not stuck. There is a path forward.

3. Rejoicing: When the Fire Is Refining You

Keep in mind that God’s not trying to make your life easier.
He’s trying to make you more like Christ—and for that, we rejoice.

The next attitude Peter calls us to is to rejoice in the trial.
Now, we will never suffer quite like Christ did, but we can find comfort in knowing that no matter how hard life gets, Jesus endured far worse—and He did it for us, coming through as a victorious warrior.

Trials are described as a fiery test, and just as fire purifies metal, these trials purify and sanctify us.
Throughout church history, hardship has been the soil where faith grows deepest and strongest.

That’s why we can rejoice: because trials are not just obstacles—they are God’s refining fire, shaping our commitment and character.

Romans 5:3–5 reminds us that:

Suffering produces perseverance,
Perseverance builds character,
Character fuels hope—
And hope never disappoints,
Because God’s love fills our hearts through the Spirit.

When your life gets messy—when the quick fixes and popular tips no longer work—you’re forced to ask God directly what your family needs in this season.
That’s when true discernment begins.

Discernment isn’t glamorous. It’s knowing when to speak and when to stay silent.
When your child needs correction, and when they just need connection.
When you need rest, even when you have a million things to do.

This clarity, born from desperation, is a gift from God in those fiery trials.

4. Entrusting: Laying It All at His Feet

You’ve endured.
You’ve evaluated.
You’ve laid down your own strength.
Now it’s time to lay it all at the feet of Jesus.

The trial isn’t the problem—your self-reliance is.

So the fourth and most comforting attitude with this life you didn’t choose is to entrust it to God.

We can rest in the knowledge that the Lord has everything under control and He’s working all things for good for us because we love Him.

We can just find peace in the fact that the Lord will get His way and that we will learn what we need to from this trial.
We know that the Lord allowed this trial for our own sanctification. That brings so much comfort.

God’s presence is with us when we suffer, and we have supernatural power from the Holy Spirit producing the strength and endurance that we need to persevere, as well as give us peace that surpasses all understanding throughout the trial.

The hardest part about the unchosen life—the messy, unpredictable, trial-filled life—is realizing you can’t fix it on your own.
You can’t organize your way out of it, or take another supplement.
You just endure, evaluate and entrust it to God. Faithfully and joyfully.

This May Not Be the Life You Expected…

But it is the life that’s drawing you into deeper intimacy with Jesus.

If you’re walking through a season like this—endure with joy and grace.
The refining fire is not burning you down—it’s building you up.

And if you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re barely making it through your days, I’d love to invite you into something that changed everything for me.
In my free workshop, From Survival Mode to Peace-Filled Homemaking in 7 Days, I walk through the exact process I used to regulate my nervous system, renew my mind, and finally show up with peace—even when my circumstances stayed hard.

You don’t need your life to get easier to become the woman God is shaping you to be.
Let Him meet you right where you are.