Stop Raising Rule-Followers—Raise Disciples

If Satan can keep you distracted by and angry about your child’s behavior, he’ll never have to worry about you actually discipling their heart. ​​If he can get you to raise rule-followers instead of Christ-followers, he wins—because outward obedience without inward transformation is still rebellion.

From Surface-Level Correction to Spiritual Discipleship

In this post, I’m going to show you how to shift your parenting from surface-level correction to deep spiritual discipleship—because the real battle isn’t between you and your child. It’s between truth and deception, pride and surrender, light and darkness.

And most Christian moms are fighting the wrong battle—your children aren’t the problem, and the weight of motherhood isn’t the problem either.

In a world that glorifies self-preservation, a woman who gives her body to rear children, joyfully—all while knowing the cost—​​becomes a living example of offering their body as a living sacrifice. So let’s talk about what this looks like in action.

Mirror-Minded Motherhood

You’re not just raising your children—often, you’re looking into a mirror.

One day—ok, who am I kidding, more often than I’d like—I overhear my child speak sharply to their siblings, and it shocks me every time. Not because it’s unfamiliar, but because it sounds awfully familiar… It sounds like me.

Your children are not only learning from what you teach—they’re absorbing who you are. Their tone, their frustration, their lack of gratitude—it often mirrors us. Before you rebuke them, ask, “Did I model this today?”

I think one of the best skills I can give my children for day-to-day life is to be positive—renew their mind on things that disappoint them, and always point back to Jesus.

So I set out to model that every day. If something happens in a day that disappoints me, I try to turn it around—and I do it out loud.

So if the battlefield begins with us, how do we shift the entire atmosphere of our homes?

Make Your Home a Sanctuary

If your home doesn’t teach your children the Word, the world will teach them its lies.

I started this little tradition every Tuesday called Tea Time Tuesday. Tuesday is our Monday in our home, so it’s something to kick off the week on the right foot. We make a cup of tea, have a little snack, and do our Bible time.

My goal around this time is not to shove as much Bible knowledge into their minds as possible, but to simply have fun with reading the Word and create fond memories around Bible time.

First, I ask my son or daughter to pray because I want them to get used to being asked to pray and be comfortable doing it. Next, we sing a hymn that we are working on and they eat their snack and drink their tea while I read the scripture of the day.

Then I ask questions to see what they retained and then we act out what we read. We’ll role-play the characters that we read about and it’s usually super silly but so fun.

Family Bible time doesn’t need to be a long, drawn-out sermon. Read a passage, ask one or two questions, pray together. Speak verses over them until it shapes how they think, how they respond, and who they believe they are.

It’s important to understand that our children won’t just believe Scripture because we read it. They’ll believe it when they feel it through your relationship.

Rules Without Relationship = Rebellion

Children will rebel if you try to administer rules without first building your relationship with them.

I’ve talked about this before, but I used to try to get as much done as possible in the morning while my children were happily playing independently. Because if I could just get my list done then I could give them my undivided attention without having my to-do list hanging over my head.

Then I realized one day why this strategy wasn’t working—because that list never actually got “done.” Tasks always expand to fill the time.

And I’d catch myself pushing relationship building with my children to the back burner—until I realized that my priorities were totally out of line. What did I care about more? Stewarding the hearts of my children, or finishing a never-ending to-do list?

The answer was obvious but you wouldn’t have known by how I was choosing to spend my time.

So now I pour into my children in the morning. I fill their little love tanks by reading stories, playing toys with them, walking and talking, or whatever else they want to do with me. I’m fully present.

Then, once I’ve done this, I sneak away to go do my list. And sometimes they want to come with me and I do my best to let them help me with whatever it is that needs to be done.

The point is that if I just try to give them a bunch of rules without having a relationship with them, they will rebel. Josh McDowell said—rules without relationship = rebellion.

And once that soil is soft, you can begin planting seeds of gratitude.

Cultivate a Grateful Heart

A child who feels entitled will never feel satisfied.

Before giving my children things, I started asking, “Tell me one thing you’re thankful for right now?” I model this too, by implementing a gratitude anchor. It’s something in your day that you do frequently which reminds you to show gratitude.

My gratitude anchor is when I’m wiping my children up after eating. That’s my anchor for intentionally praising them—whenever I wipe them up after they eat, I try to remember to think about one thing I’m grateful for about them and tell them about it.

Sometimes it’s just a simple praise like—you’re such a treasure to me.

Gratitude helps your children to understand the concept of grace instead of entitlement. Instead of demanding, they begin reflecting. And then teaching them that all good things come from the Lord will just reiterate Who they serve.

But all of this points to something deeper and if you get it right, can impact generations to come.

Your Core Mission Isn’t Behavior—It’s Discipleship

The goal of parenting isn’t to just raise good kids. It’s to raise souls who are surrendered to Christ.

To do this, I model my own need for a Savior. I show them who I answer to. When I mess up I repent—right there with them.

If things are feeling a little cold in the house and I don’t feel like I have the heart of my children, I ask: “Have I hurt you in some way that I need to ask forgiveness for?”

Although my children are young, sometimes I’m actually really surprised by the answer. So I restore fellowship and ask for their grace.

This shows them that we are on the same team, and that I have to answer to someone too.

Lovingly, patiently bring them to a point where they cry out for mercy. Help them understand that their struggle is not just with mom and dad, but with a holy God.

Because when you raise children who are confident in the Lord, the enemy loses his grip.

The Real Battle

You’re not failing. You’ve just been fighting the wrong battle—butting heads with your children will never win the true fight against our enemy.

You and your children serve the same God and have the same enemy—get on the same team and you’ll feel a weight lifted off your shoulders.

You are not just raising children. You are raising disciples.

I hope this gave you encouragement as you raise your little disciples. And if you’d like to join me for my free workshop, please use the link below.

It’s always such a joy to have you here.